


Home is you

by silvermoonwulf



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Full Angst, M/M, Nothing but angst, bye I am going to cry, sorry if I hurt you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 07:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30119085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermoonwulf/pseuds/silvermoonwulf
Summary: Ushijima built them a house.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Home is you

People knew Ushijima wasn't good with a lot of things.

He was good at Volleyball, yes, but not much with anything else. Except that in school, he took a liking into his workshop class and was fascinated with woodwork.

When Ushijima and Oikawa began dating when they were 17, Ushijima often used to say he'd build a house for them and Oikawa knew he would. Three years after they each turned pro, Ushijima began turning his dreams into reality.

Ushijima laid the foundation of a house, wanting to call it a home for both him and Oikawa.

And Oikawa did find a home there, with Ushijima.

It had taken a few months longer than they had anticipated and Oikawa had told Ushijima multiple times to hire a contractor, but Ushijima always said "I want this house to remember us"

Oikawa didn't have an argument against that.

Oikawa wanted a patio.

Ushijima built it for him.

He wanted a huge garden, Ushijima built that too.

Oikawa wanted a gazebo where they could get married and Oikawa still remembered how he'd never seen Ushijima happier when he'd said that.

Next day, Ushijima started his work to build the gazebo Oikawa wanted.

When the gazebo was halfway done, and they still hadn't moved in yet, Oikawa asked Ushijima why building this house from scratch was important to him.

"I didn't have a home growing up" Ushijima had told him then. "I've always lived in dorms and spent the holidays at school with nowhere to return to. I don't want to feel the same anymore. With his house, I can finally say I have somewhere to go back to when I'm away"

"Where do you plan on going exactly?" Oikawa had asked jokingly.

Ushijima had shrugged. "Life's unpredictable, you know. And I'd like to think that if something happens, you'll at least have this house where I will still live on"

It was a stupid conversation Oikawa had dismissed immediately because even the thought of it scared the shit out of him.

Two weeks after the gazebo was done, they were able to move in.

Oikawa filled the house with love and laughter and Ushijima honestly couldn't ask for more.

There was one thing Ushijima did that Oikawa never quite understood.

After they'd moved in, Ushijima had taken the key to the main door and hidden it under one of the pots in the garden.

"This house will always be open to our friends"

The influx of the friends was sometimes fulfilling, sometimes annoying.

Hinata would come over any time with a new dish he'd tried.

Atsumu would come over just to talk to Ushijima.

Kageyama would come over to watch sports and hang out.

Sakusa would come over too, but not as frequent as the others and he'd always prefer sitting in Ushijima's study as they talked about books.

When Hoshiumi visited, Oikawa found it odd how it always coincided with Hinata bringing dishes over, but he never gave it much thought.

Kuroo came in for beer after work sometimes, while Bokuto often crashed at their place at midnight, unannounced because he was too drunk to go anywhere else.

Sometimes Kenma and Hinata would be found playing games in their living room for hours and Oikawa would practically have to yell at them to take breaks and eat something.

"I already feel like a parent" Oikawa said one day when Ushijima was hosting his monthly barbecue.

Iwaizumi laughed as he watched the two idiots yell 'die' at each other obsessively. "Maybe you guys should think about adopting"

Oikawa hadn't given it much thought after Iwaizumi had said that because his hands were already full with everyone coming over all the time.

Sometimes it felt overwhelming.

But no matter who walked through that door, the house always found a room for them.

So maybe adopting a baby wasn't such a bad idea.

Ushijima was on board immediately.

In fact, the first thing he did when Oikawa talked about adoption was grab his keys, ready to head over to the agency immediately.

But Oikawa wanted to get married first. He wanted the kid to have two dads, officially.

Ushijima was on board with that too.

The wedding was planned a month after that.

Everything was perfect, but the flowers were wrong.

Oikawa hadn't complained though, coz it really didn't matter.

What mattered was the fact that he was getting married to the love of his life.

Atsumu and Iwaizumi were in charge of the wedding but Atsumu would often find people to flirt with so Iwaizumi fired him and hired Osamu instead.

Atsumu didn't complain.

Osamu did.

And thus the screw up with the flowers.

Ushijima found Oikawa in the spare room, changing.

"You aren't dressed?" Oikawa asked and suddenly realised the situation.

Closing his own eyes, Oikawa rushed to cover Ushijima's.

"We're not supposed to see each other before the wedding dum'dum'. It's bad luck"

"Sorry" Ushijima said and kissed Oikawa. "I couldn't help it"

Oikawa opened his eyes to look at Ushijima because he couldn't help it either.

"I see they mixed the flowers up"

"It's okay, I don't really care"

"I do. I want this to be perfect for you."

"Toshi, really, it's not a big deal"

Ushijima winked. "I'll be back with the flowers before it starts, okay?"

Oikawa tried to stop him but he was hell bent.

Oikawa wished he had tried harder.

Because the flowers never came.

Neither did Ushijima.

Then, Oikawa's phone rang.

Everything after that was a blur.

Oikawa didn't have memories of what happened after that phone call from the hospital.

He didn't know what he did when he heard Ushijima had gotten into an accident.

He had no recollection of how he reached the hospital where they’d told him that everything he cherished was taken away from him.

He had no memory of walking into the morgue and identifying Ushijima’s body.

He _did_ remember that Ushijima must have been feeling cold, sleeping on that surface inside that chilling room.

He remembered taking Ushijima’s hand in his and asking him to better get his ass back home because their wedding was due.

He told Ushijima how he didn’t care about the flowers.

He promised how he’d help with the breakfast more, if only Ushijima woke up.

He begged Ushijima to come back with him, saying how much he loved him.

But this was the very first time his expression of love wasn’t returned.

Everything went hazy after that.

The ride back home, the endless waiting for Ushijima to walk through the front door with a smile, the finality of the realization that it would never happen again, the ache he felt in his heart, the tears that won’t come out because Ushijima would be hurt if he saw Oikawa cry, the presence of everyone else and the overwhelming absence of just one person, the funeral- it all passed faster than Oikawa could process.

His mind was numb and his heart, in unyielding pain.

It was far too much than Oikawa could take.

He didn't know how he was supposed to live when Ushijima was dead.

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do anymore.

So he did what he never thought he would.

When he came back home from the funeral, the first thing he did was find the key to the front door. 

And for the first time since this house was built, Oikawa locked everyone out.

Probably only a few minutes passed, or probably an eternity.

Oikawa had no measure of time left anymore.

How long had he been lying on this bed? _Their_ bed.

How long had it been since he last ate or got up?

How long since the doorbell and the banging on the door died down?

Oikawa didn't know.

All he knew was he needed Ushijima there, with him, in the house that he had built for them.

But he also knew Ushijima was gone.

Oikawa spent the days recalling everything about Ushijima, each conversation, each habit, each day they'd spent together.

It was impossible, but Oikawa still tried.

He spent the nights holding Ushijima's wedding suit in his arms.

Ushijima's scent still lingered on the suit and that was the only thing that gave Oikawa enough comfort to be able to sleep.

Sometimes, Oikawa would talk to it like Ushijima was still present there.

Sometimes, it provided him peace, other times, he wanted to watch the world burn around him because why did life continue for everyone else but them?

Ushijima's scent inside their room was the reason Oikawa hadn't moved from the bed for over a week now.

The bed, the sheets, the pillow- Ushijima was still prominent in each of those things.

Everything in the room told stories of the countless days and nights they'd spent in each others' comfort, still learning new things about the other.

Oikawa didn't want to let that go.

But the smell was fading.

And Oikawa didn't know how to keep Ushijima alive anymore.

Two weeks after the funeral, Oikawa woke up to noises coming from the living room.

He didn't want to move but there was someone in the house, in Ushijima's house and Oikawa didn't like that.

But the smell of barbecue hit him.

"Toshi" Oikawa whispered and rushed out.

He found everyone out in the garden, everyone this house was opened to.

Everyone except Ushijima.

They all had their glasses raised as Bokuto spoke.

This felt cruel.

It stung.

Why were they doing this to Oikawa?

Ushijima was gone, what was the point of this gathering anymore?

Nothing they did would bring him back.

No matter how many times they came over and decided to continue the traditions Ushijima had started, Ushijima would still never come back.

Oikawa wanted to run away.

He wanted to make everyone leave.

But then, Bokuto said his final words. "To the man who brought us all together."

Every word pinched Oikawa.

"The man who deserved to live longer than any of us"

The words pricked his skin.

"And the man who made us his family"

Oikawa felt dizzy.

"Your memories live with us, now and forever"

_ Ushijima's memories. _

It was only then that Oikawa realised how wrong he had been.

Ushijima wasn't dead.

He was alive in each person standing there.

In this house.

Inside Oikawa's heart.

And for the first time since he'd received that phone call, Oikawa crumbled down and let his tears finally out.

Later, Oikawa would find out that Ushijima had given a spare key to Kageyama, in case of emergencies.

Oikawa would find out that he wasn't really alone.

Later, Oikawa would finally understand why Ushijima never kept the house locked.

It was because he didn’t just want to build a house, he wanted it to be a shelter for everyone he cared for.

Ushijima wanted to build a place he could return to.

It was time Oikawa returned to it as well.

Ushijima's presence was fading away from their room.

But as long as this house stood tall, he would still be with Oikawa.

And for now, that was enough for him to live.

Because as long as Oikawa called this place home, Ushijima would continue to be alive in each flower he'd planted in the garden, in each ray of sunlight that fell through their window, in each book he'd handpicked for his study.

As long as Oikawa was alive, this house _would_ remember Ushijima.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like to suffer like I do, find me on twitter here [Toorutoshi](https://twitter.com/toorutoshi)


End file.
